Worth Every Minute

What makes everything worthwhile to me:

When I come home from work at the end of the day and my son gets his first glimpse of me. For a minute, that big old smile melts away all of the world’s problems for both of us.

Coffee Shop Can’t Spare a Cup of Hot Water

The day started as usual with my son and I heading out the door to run some errands.

Diaper bag: check.
Bottles: check.
Car bottle warmer: check.

About 20 minutes before bottle time I plugged in the car warmer and dropped in the bottle only to discover that my crappy $35 warmer has gone on strike and is not going to heat up my bottle. Thankfully it’s about that time when mommy needs a coffee, so to the drive through we go for our large café mocha and bagel with cream cheese.

“Please drive up to the window and I will give you your total there.”

I pay for my things and ask the man at the window if I could have a cup with hot water because my bottle warmer isn’t working. He says he has to get his manager and asks me to wait. The manager comes to the window and after rudely telling me that this isn’t a baby store tells me it will be $1.75 for a cup of water. I tell him I am willing to pay 25 cents but not a penny more for a cup of hot water.

Again he affirms there was a tap in the washroom for me to use otherwise I would have to pay $1.75. I tell him thanks but no thanks. I drive around the building park my car, take my son and the bottle out, and wait at the tap for 10 minutes for the milk to heat up.

You would think that the coffee industry could afford a cup of hot water, especially if they were reimbursed a quarter for being out a cup, but I guess they don’t get rich by being nice to a mother that needed a little help.

Working Late Means Less Time With Family

Does this sound familiar? When my son wakes up in the morning and has his first bottle, I am busy getting myself out the door for another day at work. By the time I get home in the evening he has already finished his last bottle and my role is putting him to bed for the night. In between, the only time I see him during the day is when I look up at the picture of him I have on my desk at the office.

Prepare Early
If you take the time to prepare any necessary items and place them by the door in the evening, you will have more time in the morning to spend with your child. Make your lunch in the evening, bag it and put it in the fridge so you don’t have to wake up and prepare food. Even breakfast cereal can be pre-measured so all you need to do is add milk to eat.

Do What You Enjoy
More than ever, now is the perfect time in your life to find out what you enjoy doing and get out there to do it. It’s discouraging enough to spend nine hours a day away from your family; if you’re stuck doing something you don’t enjoy, you are forever losing a big part of your life that you will never get back. Take care of yourself and your needs, and you will be better focused to take care of your family’s needs.

Leave Work at Work
If you are the type of person who is used to bringing home work, now might be a good time to take a step back and leave unfinished projects at the office. Since family time is reduced by work during the week, your “homework” is to squeeze every last moment of togetherness out of the evening.

Need, Desire and Cash

Need is a relative thing these days
It’s bordered on desire
The high-tech world is full of bright shiny things
We think that we really require
-Jimmy Buffett, “Tonight I Just Need My Guitar”

Many of us place great value on material “things” whether we are fully aware or not. This is a decade of debt, while people stretch their credit to the limit trying to buy a bigger house, a fancier TV, a faster computer, a new car – the list goes on. Having been caught up in all of that myself, these days I am pushing a message of living within one’s own means.

I found an article on CreditShout that talks about some interesting survey results regarding people who spend on credit: on average, respondents considered their cell phones, televisions and personal computers to be “necessities” in their lives.

I tell anyone who will listen (which is basically no one) that there are three necessities in day-to-day finances:

1. Shelter
2. Food
3. Transportation

Let me list them again: the only necessary expenses are shelter, food, and transportation – that’s all. Everything else is a luxury and not strictly required to survive and advance. Cell phones may be useful in emergencies, but their absence is unlikely to cause serious harm.

When my wife was unable to work because of her health and need for surgery, we had to tighten our proverbial belts to make sure we could meet expenses with just one paycheque. Although we both enjoyed watching television, we realized right away that dropping cable would save us almost $1000 every year.

Three years later we still don’t have cable even though we can afford to have it again. By cutting out that unneeded luxury we not only saved a lot of money, we found our lives more enriched because we were spending more time together.

Fathers Can Handle the Stress of Providing

When you become a father, your life is profoundly changed. It isn’t an earth-shattering force that hits you like a train; it is a slowly evolving experience that takes years to fully comprehend. Until you are a father yourself, it is hard to fully appreciate the powerful pride you feel when your child recognizes you for the first time, perks up and laughs when you walk into the room, or mimics your motions to teach himself how to crawl.

The dad experience has a heavy cost associated with it, as well. Although many families are headed by two working parents, very often the woman finds herself in the mommy trap – bumped from the corporate ladder due to family commitments or a reduction in working hours. Some mothers feel strongly about staying home to raise their child and don’t return to work. For those families, the father finds himself becoming the primary or even sole provider.

Especially in rough economic times, the pressure to bring home enough money to feed, clothe and shelter an entire family can seem like a heavy burden to bear. As a father, how do you handle the stress and keep an optimistic front?

You’re In This Together
The first thing to remember is that you are not alone, even if you feel isolated by your responsibility. Mothers experience similar issues: imagine being alone with a newborn all day. Not only is she responsible to care for this little life, but at every moment she has to guess what the baby needs, wants, or is hurt by since the baby cannot tell her what is wrong. She has to learn when the baby is crying for food or crying in pain. If she is home all day while you are at work, she has to learn to fend for herself and get used to her radically different, more isolated life – you get to remain surrounded by the same people as before during the day and only have adjust to a new home life.

We Always Get Better
As time goes on you will become more comfortable in your role as a father and provider. You will make more money. If you hit a rough spot and lose your job, you will find another. Humans, by their very nature, find ways of improving things as life goes on.

You Are Needed
You are not required to be invincible or a mountain of strength, but you are a pillar in your family. Even more than what you can provide, your family needs and wants you in their lives. You don’t need to have all the answers, you just need to have a place in your heart for them.