Nighttime With Baby

The first time my baby slept through the night was both wonderful and terrifying. Wonderful because I’d lost all concept of what sleep was. Terrifying because I woke up with a start at 4am and panicked because the baby hadn’t cried. When I went over to the bassinet and saw him sleeping peacefully, there was a chorus line playing in my head.

Four months later the baby has moved out of our room and into his own crib. That was another big step and a story for another time but suffice it to say the nighttime routine in our house has changed often and dramatically over the past year.

Sometime between 4-7 months, children begin to develop a sense of object permanence – the idea that when something is out of sight, it still exists.  This is basically when your child learns there is only one of you – that when you leave the room you don’t disappear entirely. (What happens before that?  Perhaps the child believes you stop existing?  I wonder how that works on a practical level.)

Today, bed time involves realizing the baby is tired and putting them to bed at the right time.  If we do this too early we have to console a crying baby.  If we do it too late, the baby works himself into such a frenzy of tears he has no idea what’s going on.  As long as he goes to bed on time, the crying only lasts for a few minutes until he realizes he is tired and passes out. Usually.

Traveling With Baby

At one time, visiting our parents was as simple as making sure the lights and oven were off and hopping in the car for a three hour drive. Now that we have a baby, that same trip can take up to six hours between getting all of the baby’s gear loaded (he has more stuff than we do!) and stopping to feed him when he cries. Traveling is a big deal when there is so much to be responsible for; it’s a wonder we are able to make it anywhere on time.

Our latest trick is to wait until the baby goes down for the night then load him into the car seat and take off. This technique means we can drive straight through without stopping for bottles and the baby wakes up at grandma’s house so there is a smaller period of adjustment. It can be very tiring to arrive at our destination so late, but the benefits seem to outweigh the drawbacks.

I was concerned about the advisability of letting the baby sleep in his car seat for such long periods of time. Doctors warn against letting babies sleep in car seats citing increased risk of SIDS but the problem factors seem to be unrelated to the child sleeping in the car:

• The airway can become blocked if the head is flexed forward
• When the head is flexed forward, the jaw contacts the chest, obstructing the breathing pattern
• This can happen when the restraint is not used and the child has poor control of their head – normally they are younger than 6 months of age
• The particular cases being warned about involved children being placed in car seats to sleep rather than during use as safety devices in vehicles

Car seats here in Canada are designed for babies to sleep in comfortably even when being transferred from the indoors to a car and back. Being able to load the baby without waking him up is convenient for parents and healthier for the baby. When used properly car seats reduce injury by 90 to 95 percent.

Back to traveling – is it safe to keep the baby in the car seat for those long trips? The answer is yes, provided breaks are taken when the baby is awake so he can be released from the car seat and allowed to stretch. An 8-hour non-stop trip in a seated position places a lot of stress on the baby’s developing spine so it is important to move him from time to time.

Would you want your baby’s name?

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz just had their baby, Bronx Mowgli Wentz.  Perhaps the name has some significance in their lives – but if it was chosen just to be different or unique, that is truly unfortunate.  Choosing a name for your child is one of the most profound things you will do to affect their psyche and self-identification. Names are important – they can instantly communicate to others the unspoken history of your family, your lineage, even your culture. Your name is more than a word that is associated with you – it is your identity.

Traditional or Modern?  Classic or Trendy?
Some names are old-fashioned, some carry so much negative connotation they become utterly unspeakable. Some names are classic, other are unique. A person could be named after a cherished relative, or their name may have been pulled out of thin air by their parents.

Fight the urge to go with “trendy” or “artsy” names.  Literature or spirituality may be important elements in your life, but your child might feel differently growing up in modern times with a name like Summer, Rainbow, Ophelia or Desdemona.  The best rule of thumb is always to treat others the way you would want to be treated yourself – ask yourself if you would honestly want to be addressed with the name you are considering for your child.

Does the name affect day-to-day life?
Take the time to think about how your child will bear their name.  What are the possible combinations and nick names the child may encounter.  A child with a name like Dylan for example is going to run across many references to pickles, dill pickles, etc.  That isn’t a big deal, but some names are truly unfortunate.

What happens when your surname name is Dover and you choose Benjamin for your son’s name (Ben Dover)? Richard Cox (Dick Cox)?  A name may be a name, but people have to live with them, and kids are very cruel.

Concentrated vs Powered Formula

Of all the things that could stir up such heated debate, I would never have guessed infant formula to be among them. Some people are very passionate about what they feed their baby, and very passionate about what others feed their babies too.  For some people spreading the word about breastfeeding is a holy crusade while others are strictly bottle feeders.  We tried both ways but could not continue breast feeding due to health reasons – but our baby fared well in each case.

For those like us who decide to use the bottle, the next question is “What formula do I choose?” In North America, we have such strict legislation regarding the production of infant food we can rest assured all of the formulas are basically equal.

Which is Better – Concentrated Formula or Powdered Formula?
So does it make a difference whether parents choose to use concentrated or powdered formula?  For that matter, are ready-made bottles superior?  The truth is the choice between concentrated, ready-made and powdered formula is mainly convenience and expense – all three are appropriate for infants.

Ready-Made Are Convenient
Ready-Made bottles are just that – measured doses of formula waiting for you to attach a nipple and feed to your child.  Most drug stores carry these in packs of 8 and they aren’t cheap.  For day-to-day use I generally would not recommend these, but if your last bottle breaks while you are on the road there is nothing quite as life-saving as being able to find ready-made bottles.

Concentrate Travel Well
Cans of concentrated formula are more expensive than powder but travel much better.  If the lid comes off a can of powdered formula while in the car, your back seat will never be clean again.  A single can can make 4-6 bottles – in our case right now that will last an entire day.  Many parents groups are able to obtain concentrate cans for free or at low-cost, which can make this option convenient and inexpensive for young parents.

Powder is Economical
Powdered infant formula is sold in large quantities and is (relatively) cheap to buy.  We buy the “economy” size which is huge.  I’ve noticed that when the powdered formula is mixed the milk is white, which appeals to my sensibilities.  The ready-made and concentrates tend to be brown or off-white – this is not unhealthy but I find it less aesthetic.

Choose Based on Lifestyle and Budget
The food you give to your baby in these early months is so critical because it provides much-needed nourishment for their rapidly growing body and brain.  The good news is the food supply is generally protected, and the choice of formula becomes a matter of three questions:

1. Budget: What can I afford?
2. Lifestyle: Where am I most likely to be feeding the baby?
3. Baby’s Reaction: What does the baby like? (All babies are different and some fare better on lower iron formulas, some on soy)

How to Soothe Your Crying Baby

When baby cries, everything can seem to stand still for mom and dad. The detective work starts – is the baby hungry? Are they hurt? Have they wet themselves? Sometimes babies cry just because they enjoy hearing themselves.

How can we know when something is truly wrong with our baby? I hate to say it, but as parents sometimes we just know. Often, however, we don’t. However, there are a number of things we can do to try to determine the severity of our children’s condition without the need for outside help.

1. Change the Baby’s Diaper
Very often children complain of even the slightest wetness. We certainly don’t want to sit around in wet clothes and they don’t either. Some children love to urinate shortly after being changed – so even if the baby has just been put in a new diaper, check to make sure they are still dry.

2. Offer Food
Has time elapsed since the last feeding? It is very important to measure time intervals between feedings to ensure baby gets enough needed nutrients to grow.

Not yet feeding time? Children who are experiencing growth spurts came feed as frequently as every 1-2 hours. If this is the case the child will certainly get hungry and fussy.

3. Sooth the Baby
Most babies react well to a soothing womb-like environment. Take the baby in your arms and make ‘shh-shh’ noises. This could be enough to pacify them.

4. Bundle Up Baby
Much like elderly adults, babies require more layers in order to keep warm. Our rule of thumb is baby wears 1 more layer of clothing than mom and dad. The crying baby may be cold in an otherwise warm room.

5. Try Putting Baby to Sleep
Babies set their sleeping routine and can generally be trusted to sleep (or to not sleep) at specific times. If there have been a lot of car rides or other disruptions in routine, the baby may be feeling over-tired. 3-5 minutes in the crib or bassinet should determine this – a tired baby will usually soothe themselves to sleep in this amount of time. Be careful not to let them “cry it out” – if it takes longer than a few minutes the baby may not be tired enough to sleep, or they may have an entirely different problem.

6. Our Condolences for Parents of Colicky Babies
Some babies suffer from colic – a condition that results from excessive gas causing severe abdominal pain in otherwise healthy infants. About 20% of babies are reported to be colicky; this is torture for both parent and baby. There are many folk remedies such as peppermint, placing the baby in a swing, feeding only warm milk, etc; however, colicky babies eventually grow out of this phase, normally by the 20th week. Hang in there!

7. Check for Rashes or Skin Irritations
Sometimes the crying baby is having an allergic reaction to something in her environment. Check your baby for any tell-tale skin rashes or marks that could be indicative of a deeper problem.

8. Take the Baby for a Car Ride
The vibration in the back seat of the car can put the baby to sleep. The rising cost of gas gives some parents pause to try this – putting the baby in their car seat on top of a washing machine can have a similar effect, just make sure to keep a hand on the seat at all times to prevent the baby from falling to the floor.

9. Take a Break
A baby that won’t stop crying can be frustrating – but it is critically important that parents keep their cool and never shake their crying baby. If someone feels like they are being pushed to the breaking point by baby’s crying, have them put down the baby and go to another room or just outside for a few minutes. The baby may not stop crying, but the adult will be better able to handle the situation.

10. Let Them Cry
Sometimes there is nothing wrong and babies just want to cry. There are many reasons for this – for example the baby may be comforted by the sound of their voice. Especially in newborns, crying clears and exercises the lungs and is essential to normal development. Remember that the goal is not to stop the baby’s crying (although we might wish they did!), but rather to provide for the baby’s needs.

11. Ask for Help
If you are fortunate enough to have relatives nearby or public resources, ask them for suggestions. They may have more ideas that are not on the list, or someone may have encountered the same situation before and will know what to do. If totally unsure, seek medical advice – it doesn’t hurt to be too careful with baby’s health and safety.