The Second Pregnancy

The second pregnancy is a big step in your life as a parent as well as in the life of your first born. On one hand you are embarking on a familiar journey and have a sense of what you can expect, while on the other hand you have a new set of responsibilities to juggle as you make the transition and become a larger family.

Am I Missing Out on the Pregnancy?

It takes a lot of resources – both financial and time – to raise a child. With all those demands constantly pressing on your time you may feel like you’re “missing out” on the new pregnancy. Many second-time parents fear that they will not bond as strongly with the new baby because so much of their time is taken up.

Will I Love One Child More Than The Other?

Many parents fear they will not love the new baby as much as their older child, or that the older child will feel replaced or unwanted. The older child is starting to become more independent and needs less hands-on time, but will they feel completely shut out when there is a new infant taking all of tired mom’s energies?

Safe Transitions

The best way to proceed will of course depend on the temperament and age of your oldest child. You can explain to a five year old what is going on and involve them in planning and decorating for the new baby, but a two-year-old won’t have the same level of comprehension – they can tell “something” is changing, but need to be carefully handled so they don’t wake up one morning and lose their room, lose horseback-mommy, and have to learn all new routines.

Much like the first pregnancy, they key to a comfortable transition is beginning early. No one gets a right to complain – mother nature gives us nine months to get our things in order and prepare for the change in our lives. Second-time (and third-time and fourth-time) parents have an ace up their sleeve in that they already know what to expect when bringing home an infant.

Stop. Breathe in. Breathe out. Now go and enjoy this amazing time!

Online Walk of Shame

While writing The Parent’s Nook, I struggle to find balance between my desire to share the exciting things going on with my own child’s development, and the desire to keep the tone of the site somewhat neutral.

Certainly the main goal for this blog is to share with other parents some of the tricks I learn and discover as I go through this journey, but it’s sometimes difficult to know when I’ve focused the discussion too much on myself and my own thoughts (except, of course, for this particular entry).

This web site is certainly not a journal by any definition, but in some ways it is journal-like because the topics I write about tend to be the ones I’m dealing with at the moment. My intent is to make you better, dear reader. So if I go on too much about myself please tell me in the kindest way possible.

This is where I should promise to write more often and get back to my regular daily posting schedule. The problem is many bloggers will do that and then not post. So here’s to the spirit of posting regularly, and let’s see that it happens!

The Child’s Eyes

In Grade 10 biology, you may have learned about recessive versus dominant genes; particularly for eye colour, brown is “dominant”, blue is “recessive”, therefore the offspring of a brown-eyed parent and a blue-eyed parent would always have brown eyes. The rules seem to change somewhat when you finally have a child of your own – even though your spouse has brown eyes your child is born with big blues.

Don’t get too attached – many children’s eyes change colour between 6 and 18 months of age.

You can calculate the “odds” of your children having a particular colour of eyes by using the Eye Calculator.

When do I give my child Tempra?

It’s the big day: my son is getting circumcised. My mother calls and says “don’t forget your tempra, the baby will need it.” After we get to the doctors office and I ask the doctor how much tempra should I give to the baby before the procedure starts. His answer was, surprisingly, none. Ok, how much do I give him after the procedure? This is when the doctor explains to my husband and I that since our son is only 7 days old he doesn’t have any feelings in that region right now, therefore we don’t need to give him pain medication any unless he show signs of discomfort. We watched the baby very closely for days and he never seemed to be having any pain.

When I went to my pediatrician for baby’s first shots I asked if I should give him some tempra before the needles. The doctor explained that he doesn’t believe in giving children any medication before their shots because we would not be able to tell if he was having a reaction to the shots. If I saw that he was having any reaction (pain or otherwise) I was to come back to the office immediately anyway so there was no point in giving him the tempra. As I sat there watching the nurse getting the needles ready I started second guessing my decision to give him tempra but he was already sleeping and I didn’t want to wake him up.

I watched the nurse give the baby his shots and he didn’t even wake up! He was sleeping so peacefully, oblivious that he had just received 2 needles (one in each leg).

Whether or not you give your child tempra or Advil, Tylenol is something that must always be left to the discretion of the mother and the doctor. One baby at our playgroup receives a dose of tempra before and after his needle; his mother is comfortable with that and he is none the worse for it. My own opinion on the matter is unless the child is sick don’t give them medication. Giving medication to children for every little thing may sometimes provide more comfort to the parents than to the child.

Fathers Can Handle the Stress of Providing

When you become a father, your life is profoundly changed. It isn’t an earth-shattering force that hits you like a train; it is a slowly evolving experience that takes years to fully comprehend. Until you are a father yourself, it is hard to fully appreciate the powerful pride you feel when your child recognizes you for the first time, perks up and laughs when you walk into the room, or mimics your motions to teach himself how to crawl.

The dad experience has a heavy cost associated with it, as well. Although many families are headed by two working parents, very often the woman finds herself in the mommy trap – bumped from the corporate ladder due to family commitments or a reduction in working hours. Some mothers feel strongly about staying home to raise their child and don’t return to work. For those families, the father finds himself becoming the primary or even sole provider.

Especially in rough economic times, the pressure to bring home enough money to feed, clothe and shelter an entire family can seem like a heavy burden to bear. As a father, how do you handle the stress and keep an optimistic front?

You’re In This Together
The first thing to remember is that you are not alone, even if you feel isolated by your responsibility. Mothers experience similar issues: imagine being alone with a newborn all day. Not only is she responsible to care for this little life, but at every moment she has to guess what the baby needs, wants, or is hurt by since the baby cannot tell her what is wrong. She has to learn when the baby is crying for food or crying in pain. If she is home all day while you are at work, she has to learn to fend for herself and get used to her radically different, more isolated life – you get to remain surrounded by the same people as before during the day and only have adjust to a new home life.

We Always Get Better
As time goes on you will become more comfortable in your role as a father and provider. You will make more money. If you hit a rough spot and lose your job, you will find another. Humans, by their very nature, find ways of improving things as life goes on.

You Are Needed
You are not required to be invincible or a mountain of strength, but you are a pillar in your family. Even more than what you can provide, your family needs and wants you in their lives. You don’t need to have all the answers, you just need to have a place in your heart for them.