To Nap or Not to Nap With my Child?

In the past year I noticed several articles written in newspapers, magazines and parenting books that urge mothers not to sleep with their babies. I remember the nights Dad worked and mom would gather all three of the kids into her bed and we would all fall asleep. I agree with the article in respect of not sleeping with your newborn because there has been studies that prove there are multiple deaths a year from exhausted new parents rolling onto there baby or crushing them with there arm and enabling the baby to breath.

I think that because of the availability of bassinets and co sleepers there isn’t a need to take the risk of rolling onto your child. But I like many mothers am guilty of falling asleep with the baby. The first time I fell asleep with my son he was about 2 weeks old. I was tired had a hard delivery and just needed to cuddle him it was the afternoon and instead of asking my husband to come and put him in his bassinet I held him while I slept. In my defense, I knew my husband was checking on me every 5 minutes or so, so I didn’t sleep with him long.

The next time I fell asleep with him he was about 2 months old and that is when afternoon naps became my time to cuddle and comfort the baby to sleep. My mother keeps telling me that I should break the habit now because he will get used to napping with me and I will have trouble breaking that pattern, but I think it’s important to stop and enjoy having a baby and cuddling them to sleep even if it is their afternoon nap. Some mothers rock their children to sleep and then put them in their beds but I prefer to put them to sleep in bed and watch them wake up and open their beautiful eyes so I can see the security they feel when they realize you are still there holding and cuddling them.

I am a very deep sleeper to the point of fault: when we lived in an apartment building I would sleep through the fire alarm. Knowing my sleeping pattern, I would never sleep with the baby all night and I would never sleep with him when I was extremely overtired (excepting of course that above-mentioned lapse when my husband was being mindful of us). They grow so fast that you do what you can because when they get old enough they won’t want to be held and cuddled as much.

I think napping comforts me just as much as it comforts the baby. Knowing that he needs me is wonderful and it is important for him to know that every once in a while mommy needs to be cuddled too. I appreciated all the information that the articles provided for me; but, as the old saying goes Mommy knows what’s best for her and her baby.

Scream Your Way to Exhaustion or Soothe Yourself to Sleep

After the baby had slept in his bassinet beside his mommy’s bed for the first four months of his life, my husband and I decided that it was time the baby moved into his own crib. At this point he was too long for the bassinet and had no room to move; I was having scary “what if” thoughts of him pushing his face against the side of the bassinet smothering himself. You could say the move was for baby’s comfort as much as for mom’s sanity.

After going to our weekly playgroup and talking to the moms there, the consensus I generally found was to put him in his crib and let him cry until he falls asleep; after a few days he will get into a routine and stop crying. The first night I took their advice and he cried and cried and cried until he was so exhausted that he did eventually pass out, but the next night I couldn’t do it. I was stressed, we were both miserable, and we were both crying. After doing a lot of research on the internet (I’ve never researched so much since getting pregnant) a lot of sites and books warn people not to let your child cry because he or she will stand a higher chance of SIDS. Rather than just exhausting themselves and giving up, some children have been found to actually stop breathing when constantly left on their own to “cry it out”.

I tried to think the way my child would. I put myself in his place and wondered what would comfort and relax me. We all know that when we go to the spa the one thing that relaxes us is the peaceful music. I tried listening to his Winnie the Pooh mobile but realized its song would actually get him more excited and ready to play rather than soothe and put him to sleep.

Finally I remembered the Ocean Wonders aquarium toy I had bought from my cousin when I was pregnant. What a life saver! It has a soothing light so the child isn’t in complete darkness and alone and it plays a variety of songs and nature sounds. If the song ends and your child is still awake you have a remote that can start the music again or he can push a button and make it go himself.  Well, that did it and that night he slept peacefully without exhausting himself and without me standing in the hallway crying along with him. He just played with the aquarium and ever so gently went to sleep.

Nighttime With Baby

The first time my baby slept through the night was both wonderful and terrifying. Wonderful because I’d lost all concept of what sleep was. Terrifying because I woke up with a start at 4am and panicked because the baby hadn’t cried. When I went over to the bassinet and saw him sleeping peacefully, there was a chorus line playing in my head.

Four months later the baby has moved out of our room and into his own crib. That was another big step and a story for another time but suffice it to say the nighttime routine in our house has changed often and dramatically over the past year.

Sometime between 4-7 months, children begin to develop a sense of object permanence – the idea that when something is out of sight, it still exists.  This is basically when your child learns there is only one of you – that when you leave the room you don’t disappear entirely. (What happens before that?  Perhaps the child believes you stop existing?  I wonder how that works on a practical level.)

Today, bed time involves realizing the baby is tired and putting them to bed at the right time.  If we do this too early we have to console a crying baby.  If we do it too late, the baby works himself into such a frenzy of tears he has no idea what’s going on.  As long as he goes to bed on time, the crying only lasts for a few minutes until he realizes he is tired and passes out. Usually.

Baby Sleeps on His Back

We can’t stress enough the importance of placing newborns to sleep on their backs. Research has shown that babies who are placed on their backs to nap are less likely to succumb to SIDS.

The ‘Back to Sleep’ campaign is a new phenomenon. While the jury is out on exactly why sleeping on the back is better, the number of SIDS-related deaths in the USA has dropped from 5,000 to 3,000 annually since back-sleeping parents has been recommended to parents.

Some babies – especially newborns – are soothed when placed on their stomachs. If you do need to place you baby on their stomach, supervise them the entire time. Place them on their back when they are to sleep.

In regards to choking and vomiting, babies are hard-wired to spit up and placing them on their back does not increase their risk of choking.

Sharing the Bed with Baby

The issue of co-sleeping with baby is one that doesn’t come up in our household. For us, it just isn’t something we would be comfortable with. When he comes home with us the little one will sleep in our room in his own bassinet until he’s old enough to go into his own crib.

Other parents decide that the best place for baby is in bed with them. Parents worldwide share their adult beds with their infants and find the practice increases their closeness to their child, makes feeding easier, and helps sync their sleep patterns with the baby’s.

Experts Say No

In North America, the practice is generally frowned upon by those “in the know”. The reasons given by the likes of the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) and the American Academy of Paediatrics (AAP) include:

Bed-sharing increases the risk of SIDS when one or both adults is a smoker

Bed-sharing increases the risk of suffocation because the baby can become wedged between the mattress and headboard/nightstand

Bed-sharing increases the risk of suffocation because the adult can roll onto the baby during sleep

· Co-sleeping increases the risk of strangulation when the baby is placed in a bed containing a headboard with bars or gaps wide enough for part of their body to become entangled

Experts Say Maybe

Interestingly, I was able to find a report from the AAP that suggests research data neither condemns nor endorses bed-sharing. You need a subscription to view the full report, but you can find a link to it below.

In short, research data indicates there are risks associated with bed sharing, while conflicting research indicates the practice is safe.

Does Common Sense Say Yes?

Let’s consider the issue from a practical standpoint. The number of babies born in North America over the last 10 years is in the millions. The number of babies who are known to have died as a result of bed-sharing is in the hundreds. Just looking at the numbers, I wouldn’t be inclined to see this issue as a danger to my child, particularly given the positive developmental opportunities that exist here.

However, if even one baby were to be hurt, I know that I wouldn’t want it to be mine so regardless of the numbers and arguments, every parent has to decide what they feel is best. But I offer this list of preventative measures to help keep baby safe:

1. Don’t smoke. The health advantages of quitting notwithstanding, I won’t go on about the risk to the child or repeat the ‘quit now message’ we’ve heard so much it lost all meaning. Just don’t smoke – if you do smoke, don’t co-sleep.
2. Always place baby on her back.
3. Never co-sleep in a waterbed.
4. Make sure your headboard (and footboard, if you have one) is of solid construction and doesn’t feature holes for baby to become stuck in.
5. Make sure your bed frame is tight and secure, and there are no spaces large enough for baby to fall into. The two-finger rule that applies to car seat installation applies here.
6. Never sleep next to your child if you have consumed any kind of drug, including cold medicine and alcohol. Your body will not be as intuitively aware of the baby’s presence in your sleep and you risk smothering your child.
7. Keep pillows and soft blankets away from baby as these pose a choking hazard.
8. Get your doctor on-board with your plan. Even if your pediatrician is against bed sharing, s/he may be comfortable enough to give the green-light if you can convince him that your setup is sound.

A Middle Ground – Side sleepers

I would suggest the use of side sleeper (sometimes known as “Co Sleeper”) beds as the middle ground for parents who are considering co-sleeping with their infants but are concerned about the possible risks. These products are essentially a bassinet with three rails that attach to the side of the adult bed. Babies and parents gain the benefits that come from bonding and sharing a sleeping space, while also enjoying the protection of personal sleep environments that are tailored to their softness requirements.

Arm’s Reach (http://www.armsreach.com/) is one company that specializes in the construction of co-sleepers, Baby Bunk is another (http://www.babybunk.com/).

Useful/Source Links:

http://aapgrandrounds.aappublications.org/cgi/content/extract/8/4/46

http://www.armsreach.com/

http://www.babybunk.com/