Transitioning A Toddler to a New Baby

If you have a young child at home and a new baby on the way, what can you do to ease the transition to a larger family?

We had this delima and decided on a few things we wanted to accomplish: First, don’t surprise the child with a new sibling – start talking about it as soon as possible; second, don’t move the child to a new room when the baby comes because it will confuse them and make them feel like they’ve lost their comfort zone; finally, make the child feel included in the new baby process so they (hopefully) aren’t resentful when you come home with your new bundle of joy.

Preparations

In our case, the first thing I did was clear out the room I had been using as my office and I painted it a deep relaxing blue for my son. We were moving him to the bigger room because his old room (the nursery) is attached to our own and we would definitely be needing it for the baby. This was done around the 5th month of the pregnancy, so Dylan was able to see changes starting in his mom and start to get to know his new room.

It took about two weeks to do the room since I had a number of repairs to make and wasn’t in a particular rush; it was a fun adventure for him to see the unfolding progress. Finally, I moved his crib and belongings over and let him take a nap in the crib. He was a little confused at first b ut because the situation was non-confrontational it ended up being quite relaxinbg for him.

Next I started on the nursery; tearing down the old decorations and painting it bright and girly. My son was more upset over these changes because it was starting to hit home that the older, smaller room was no longer his. At some point it hit home for him – the change was real.

Meanwhile my wife’s tummy was getting bigger and she was beginning to transition into carrying him less. That was a harder battle to fight because he began to sense that something big was happening and he wanted to be comforted; however, we knew she soon would be physically unable to spend time carrying him – it turned out to be a good decision in the end.

The Delivery

When it was finally time for the new baby to arrive, I had my mother come down and watch my son so we could focus our energy on the labour and know that Dylan was safe. My wife’s parents would also have been more than happy to take him for us, but it was important to us that he remain home in his comfortable environment. We’re very fortunate to have such a close and supportive family.

Four hours after the baby was born, my mother brought Dylan to the hospital to he could meet his new sister. We’d been talking about her for so long, it was nice to see that he actually seemed to understand what he was looking at. It was a sweet family moment that I was happy we were able to share. Thanks Mom!

Aside from meeting his sister, we made sure to have a present ready for him so he would know he was still important to us. Overall it was a very smooth experience.

Settling In

It wasn’t all fun and games, of course. Once we brought the baby home there was an adjustment period. It was one thing to meet his sister in the hospital but Dylan wasn’t so pleased with the situation once there was a screaming baby sharing the house (and mom and dad) with him. Three days away from his parents took a toll and while he was very well behaved for my mother, he was generally inconsolable once we returned. Remember that he is only two years old – he was so happy to have us home but didn’t know how to control his emotions.

It’s been a few weeks now, and we’ve largely settled back to routine. Dylan has accepted Katrina as a permanent fixture of the house and treats her carefully and compassionately. When she cries, he seeks us to soothe her. When we feed her, he gently kisses her forehead. Adding a new member to the family is a major life event but it doesn’t have to be traumatic.

Nighttime With Baby

The first time my baby slept through the night was both wonderful and terrifying. Wonderful because I’d lost all concept of what sleep was. Terrifying because I woke up with a start at 4am and panicked because the baby hadn’t cried. When I went over to the bassinet and saw him sleeping peacefully, there was a chorus line playing in my head.

Four months later the baby has moved out of our room and into his own crib. That was another big step and a story for another time but suffice it to say the nighttime routine in our house has changed often and dramatically over the past year.

Sometime between 4-7 months, children begin to develop a sense of object permanence – the idea that when something is out of sight, it still exists.  This is basically when your child learns there is only one of you – that when you leave the room you don’t disappear entirely. (What happens before that?  Perhaps the child believes you stop existing?  I wonder how that works on a practical level.)

Today, bed time involves realizing the baby is tired and putting them to bed at the right time.  If we do this too early we have to console a crying baby.  If we do it too late, the baby works himself into such a frenzy of tears he has no idea what’s going on.  As long as he goes to bed on time, the crying only lasts for a few minutes until he realizes he is tired and passes out. Usually.

How to Soothe Your Crying Baby

When baby cries, everything can seem to stand still for mom and dad. The detective work starts – is the baby hungry? Are they hurt? Have they wet themselves? Sometimes babies cry just because they enjoy hearing themselves.

How can we know when something is truly wrong with our baby? I hate to say it, but as parents sometimes we just know. Often, however, we don’t. However, there are a number of things we can do to try to determine the severity of our children’s condition without the need for outside help.

1. Change the Baby’s Diaper
Very often children complain of even the slightest wetness. We certainly don’t want to sit around in wet clothes and they don’t either. Some children love to urinate shortly after being changed – so even if the baby has just been put in a new diaper, check to make sure they are still dry.

2. Offer Food
Has time elapsed since the last feeding? It is very important to measure time intervals between feedings to ensure baby gets enough needed nutrients to grow.

Not yet feeding time? Children who are experiencing growth spurts came feed as frequently as every 1-2 hours. If this is the case the child will certainly get hungry and fussy.

3. Sooth the Baby
Most babies react well to a soothing womb-like environment. Take the baby in your arms and make ‘shh-shh’ noises. This could be enough to pacify them.

4. Bundle Up Baby
Much like elderly adults, babies require more layers in order to keep warm. Our rule of thumb is baby wears 1 more layer of clothing than mom and dad. The crying baby may be cold in an otherwise warm room.

5. Try Putting Baby to Sleep
Babies set their sleeping routine and can generally be trusted to sleep (or to not sleep) at specific times. If there have been a lot of car rides or other disruptions in routine, the baby may be feeling over-tired. 3-5 minutes in the crib or bassinet should determine this – a tired baby will usually soothe themselves to sleep in this amount of time. Be careful not to let them “cry it out” – if it takes longer than a few minutes the baby may not be tired enough to sleep, or they may have an entirely different problem.

6. Our Condolences for Parents of Colicky Babies
Some babies suffer from colic – a condition that results from excessive gas causing severe abdominal pain in otherwise healthy infants. About 20% of babies are reported to be colicky; this is torture for both parent and baby. There are many folk remedies such as peppermint, placing the baby in a swing, feeding only warm milk, etc; however, colicky babies eventually grow out of this phase, normally by the 20th week. Hang in there!

7. Check for Rashes or Skin Irritations
Sometimes the crying baby is having an allergic reaction to something in her environment. Check your baby for any tell-tale skin rashes or marks that could be indicative of a deeper problem.

8. Take the Baby for a Car Ride
The vibration in the back seat of the car can put the baby to sleep. The rising cost of gas gives some parents pause to try this – putting the baby in their car seat on top of a washing machine can have a similar effect, just make sure to keep a hand on the seat at all times to prevent the baby from falling to the floor.

9. Take a Break
A baby that won’t stop crying can be frustrating – but it is critically important that parents keep their cool and never shake their crying baby. If someone feels like they are being pushed to the breaking point by baby’s crying, have them put down the baby and go to another room or just outside for a few minutes. The baby may not stop crying, but the adult will be better able to handle the situation.

10. Let Them Cry
Sometimes there is nothing wrong and babies just want to cry. There are many reasons for this – for example the baby may be comforted by the sound of their voice. Especially in newborns, crying clears and exercises the lungs and is essential to normal development. Remember that the goal is not to stop the baby’s crying (although we might wish they did!), but rather to provide for the baby’s needs.

11. Ask for Help
If you are fortunate enough to have relatives nearby or public resources, ask them for suggestions. They may have more ideas that are not on the list, or someone may have encountered the same situation before and will know what to do. If totally unsure, seek medical advice – it doesn’t hurt to be too careful with baby’s health and safety.

Parents of Newborns: Take Care Of Yourself First

It’s 6:00am. You just woke up because the baby is crying. You’re starving. You have to pee. You have to get the bottle ready. The baby is still crying.

This is a time of new demands and responsibilities. That cry is incessant – you don’t want your baby to cry because you know it can lead to feelings of abandonment and increase the risk of SIDS.  But if you have to go to the bathroom, go.

If your bladder is empty, you are going to be more attentive to your child’s needs than if you have the bathroom on your mind.  It can take less than a minute, but have huge effects on your relationship with your baby.

Take the time to eat a meal, even if it involves running back and forth to settle baby.  If you are hungry you are not operating at the top of your game.  If mommy/daddy are over exhausted and hungry they quite simply cannot be 100% there for the baby.

Don’t let your baby cry.  But don’t be afraid to take 15 seconds to take care of your own needs.  We naturally put our children’s needs ahead of our own, and we should, but we have to remember that we’re still people and we can better take care of our children if we ourselves are taken care of.