The Second Pregnancy

The second pregnancy is a big step in your life as a parent as well as in the life of your first born. On one hand you are embarking on a familiar journey and have a sense of what you can expect, while on the other hand you have a new set of responsibilities to juggle as you make the transition and become a larger family.

Am I Missing Out on the Pregnancy?

It takes a lot of resources – both financial and time – to raise a child. With all those demands constantly pressing on your time you may feel like you’re “missing out” on the new pregnancy. Many second-time parents fear that they will not bond as strongly with the new baby because so much of their time is taken up.

Will I Love One Child More Than The Other?

Many parents fear they will not love the new baby as much as their older child, or that the older child will feel replaced or unwanted. The older child is starting to become more independent and needs less hands-on time, but will they feel completely shut out when there is a new infant taking all of tired mom’s energies?

Safe Transitions

The best way to proceed will of course depend on the temperament and age of your oldest child. You can explain to a five year old what is going on and involve them in planning and decorating for the new baby, but a two-year-old won’t have the same level of comprehension – they can tell “something” is changing, but need to be carefully handled so they don’t wake up one morning and lose their room, lose horseback-mommy, and have to learn all new routines.

Much like the first pregnancy, they key to a comfortable transition is beginning early. No one gets a right to complain – mother nature gives us nine months to get our things in order and prepare for the change in our lives. Second-time (and third-time and fourth-time) parents have an ace up their sleeve in that they already know what to expect when bringing home an infant.

Stop. Breathe in. Breathe out. Now go and enjoy this amazing time!

Online Walk of Shame

While writing The Parent’s Nook, I struggle to find balance between my desire to share the exciting things going on with my own child’s development, and the desire to keep the tone of the site somewhat neutral.

Certainly the main goal for this blog is to share with other parents some of the tricks I learn and discover as I go through this journey, but it’s sometimes difficult to know when I’ve focused the discussion too much on myself and my own thoughts (except, of course, for this particular entry).

This web site is certainly not a journal by any definition, but in some ways it is journal-like because the topics I write about tend to be the ones I’m dealing with at the moment. My intent is to make you better, dear reader. So if I go on too much about myself please tell me in the kindest way possible.

This is where I should promise to write more often and get back to my regular daily posting schedule. The problem is many bloggers will do that and then not post. So here’s to the spirit of posting regularly, and let’s see that it happens!

Scream Your Way to Exhaustion or Soothe Yourself to Sleep

After the baby had slept in his bassinet beside his mommy’s bed for the first four months of his life, my husband and I decided that it was time the baby moved into his own crib. At this point he was too long for the bassinet and had no room to move; I was having scary “what if” thoughts of him pushing his face against the side of the bassinet smothering himself. You could say the move was for baby’s comfort as much as for mom’s sanity.

After going to our weekly playgroup and talking to the moms there, the consensus I generally found was to put him in his crib and let him cry until he falls asleep; after a few days he will get into a routine and stop crying. The first night I took their advice and he cried and cried and cried until he was so exhausted that he did eventually pass out, but the next night I couldn’t do it. I was stressed, we were both miserable, and we were both crying. After doing a lot of research on the internet (I’ve never researched so much since getting pregnant) a lot of sites and books warn people not to let your child cry because he or she will stand a higher chance of SIDS. Rather than just exhausting themselves and giving up, some children have been found to actually stop breathing when constantly left on their own to “cry it out”.

I tried to think the way my child would. I put myself in his place and wondered what would comfort and relax me. We all know that when we go to the spa the one thing that relaxes us is the peaceful music. I tried listening to his Winnie the Pooh mobile but realized its song would actually get him more excited and ready to play rather than soothe and put him to sleep.

Finally I remembered the Ocean Wonders aquarium toy I had bought from my cousin when I was pregnant. What a life saver! It has a soothing light so the child isn’t in complete darkness and alone and it plays a variety of songs and nature sounds. If the song ends and your child is still awake you have a remote that can start the music again or he can push a button and make it go himself.  Well, that did it and that night he slept peacefully without exhausting himself and without me standing in the hallway crying along with him. He just played with the aquarium and ever so gently went to sleep.

Get Your Children Excited for Santa

Christmas is just around the corner!  The job may already be done for you, but there are a lot of things parents can do to help get their children in the Christmas spirit and excited for Santa’s visit.

Put Up the Christmas Tree
Many families put up their Christmas trees very early in December.  This is a great opportunity to bond with children and involve them in the holiday process.  Foster creativity by letting them put ornaments in unconventional places; an unused vase filled with shiny Christmas balls makes an eye-catching centrepiece for the table.

Start an Advent Calendar
Those chocolate advent calender, like so many other other aspects of the season, takes a christian tradition (in this case the days of advent) and mass-commercializes it down to a waxy chocolate treat.  Arguments aside, opening a new chocolate decoration every day in the lead-up to Christmas helps to build anticipation and teach young children about the passage of time.

Presents are Surprises
In my family, whenever we give gifts to other people we keep them a surprise until the time they are opened. This was always one of the most fun aspects of the holidays, to me.  When you’ve picked a present that you know the other person is really going to love, it’s almost as unbearable to not give it to them early as it is for them wondering what you might have thought of.

Some families don’t do the surprise presents – sometimes a gift giver is with the recipient when they make or buy their present!  That is a great way to bond, too.  There is no wrong way to celebrate the holidays, and no wrong way to bond with our loved ones.  The priceless look on a child’s (or adult’s!) face when they open a gift they love but weren’t expecting can really make the surprise worthwhile.

Sing Songs
Even if you aren’t the greatest vocalist in the world, encourage song in your household.  Children connect to music on many levels, and familiar Christmas songs build excitement for the big day as well as general good feelings. This works all year round, too!

Enjoy Each Other’s Company
This time of year is great for spending time with loved ones.  There are more statutory holidays and often workplace-provided days off.  Rather than using the free time to catch up on housework or shop for more presents, use it to spend time with the kids.  It’s so easy to get lost in the moment that we don’t always take the time we should with the people who give us the drive to keep doing all that we do.  Drop everything and play with the baby.  There is nothing so important that it can’t wait.