Baby Will Never Choose

Both child gates were closed; my wife behind one and I behind the other. I notice my son was standing between us so I say to him “Come over to Dad. Come to the one you love best.”

My son looks at me and smiles, then looks to his Mom. He raises his foot to take a step, then sets it down and looks at each of us again. Finally he yells “BAD!!!” as he turns and runs as far away as he can get from either of us.

My son doesn’t take sides.

The Child’s Eyes

In Grade 10 biology, you may have learned about recessive versus dominant genes; particularly for eye colour, brown is “dominant”, blue is “recessive”, therefore the offspring of a brown-eyed parent and a blue-eyed parent would always have brown eyes. The rules seem to change somewhat when you finally have a child of your own – even though your spouse has brown eyes your child is born with big blues.

Don’t get too attached – many children’s eyes change colour between 6 and 18 months of age.

You can calculate the “odds” of your children having a particular colour of eyes by using the Eye Calculator.

Worth Every Minute

What makes everything worthwhile to me:

When I come home from work at the end of the day and my son gets his first glimpse of me. For a minute, that big old smile melts away all of the world’s problems for both of us.

Need, Desire and Cash

Need is a relative thing these days
It’s bordered on desire
The high-tech world is full of bright shiny things
We think that we really require
-Jimmy Buffett, “Tonight I Just Need My Guitar”

Many of us place great value on material “things” whether we are fully aware or not. This is a decade of debt, while people stretch their credit to the limit trying to buy a bigger house, a fancier TV, a faster computer, a new car – the list goes on. Having been caught up in all of that myself, these days I am pushing a message of living within one’s own means.

I found an article on CreditShout that talks about some interesting survey results regarding people who spend on credit: on average, respondents considered their cell phones, televisions and personal computers to be “necessities” in their lives.

I tell anyone who will listen (which is basically no one) that there are three necessities in day-to-day finances:

1. Shelter
2. Food
3. Transportation

Let me list them again: the only necessary expenses are shelter, food, and transportation – that’s all. Everything else is a luxury and not strictly required to survive and advance. Cell phones may be useful in emergencies, but their absence is unlikely to cause serious harm.

When my wife was unable to work because of her health and need for surgery, we had to tighten our proverbial belts to make sure we could meet expenses with just one paycheque. Although we both enjoyed watching television, we realized right away that dropping cable would save us almost $1000 every year.

Three years later we still don’t have cable even though we can afford to have it again. By cutting out that unneeded luxury we not only saved a lot of money, we found our lives more enriched because we were spending more time together.

Fathers Can Handle the Stress of Providing

When you become a father, your life is profoundly changed. It isn’t an earth-shattering force that hits you like a train; it is a slowly evolving experience that takes years to fully comprehend. Until you are a father yourself, it is hard to fully appreciate the powerful pride you feel when your child recognizes you for the first time, perks up and laughs when you walk into the room, or mimics your motions to teach himself how to crawl.

The dad experience has a heavy cost associated with it, as well. Although many families are headed by two working parents, very often the woman finds herself in the mommy trap – bumped from the corporate ladder due to family commitments or a reduction in working hours. Some mothers feel strongly about staying home to raise their child and don’t return to work. For those families, the father finds himself becoming the primary or even sole provider.

Especially in rough economic times, the pressure to bring home enough money to feed, clothe and shelter an entire family can seem like a heavy burden to bear. As a father, how do you handle the stress and keep an optimistic front?

You’re In This Together
The first thing to remember is that you are not alone, even if you feel isolated by your responsibility. Mothers experience similar issues: imagine being alone with a newborn all day. Not only is she responsible to care for this little life, but at every moment she has to guess what the baby needs, wants, or is hurt by since the baby cannot tell her what is wrong. She has to learn when the baby is crying for food or crying in pain. If she is home all day while you are at work, she has to learn to fend for herself and get used to her radically different, more isolated life – you get to remain surrounded by the same people as before during the day and only have adjust to a new home life.

We Always Get Better
As time goes on you will become more comfortable in your role as a father and provider. You will make more money. If you hit a rough spot and lose your job, you will find another. Humans, by their very nature, find ways of improving things as life goes on.

You Are Needed
You are not required to be invincible or a mountain of strength, but you are a pillar in your family. Even more than what you can provide, your family needs and wants you in their lives. You don’t need to have all the answers, you just need to have a place in your heart for them.