Scream Your Way to Exhaustion or Soothe Yourself to Sleep

After the baby had slept in his bassinet beside his mommy’s bed for the first four months of his life, my husband and I decided that it was time the baby moved into his own crib. At this point he was too long for the bassinet and had no room to move; I was having scary “what if” thoughts of him pushing his face against the side of the bassinet smothering himself. You could say the move was for baby’s comfort as much as for mom’s sanity.

After going to our weekly playgroup and talking to the moms there, the consensus I generally found was to put him in his crib and let him cry until he falls asleep; after a few days he will get into a routine and stop crying. The first night I took their advice and he cried and cried and cried until he was so exhausted that he did eventually pass out, but the next night I couldn’t do it. I was stressed, we were both miserable, and we were both crying. After doing a lot of research on the internet (I’ve never researched so much since getting pregnant) a lot of sites and books warn people not to let your child cry because he or she will stand a higher chance of SIDS. Rather than just exhausting themselves and giving up, some children have been found to actually stop breathing when constantly left on their own to “cry it out”.

I tried to think the way my child would. I put myself in his place and wondered what would comfort and relax me. We all know that when we go to the spa the one thing that relaxes us is the peaceful music. I tried listening to his Winnie the Pooh mobile but realized its song would actually get him more excited and ready to play rather than soothe and put him to sleep.

Finally I remembered the Ocean Wonders aquarium toy I had bought from my cousin when I was pregnant. What a life saver! It has a soothing light so the child isn’t in complete darkness and alone and it plays a variety of songs and nature sounds. If the song ends and your child is still awake you have a remote that can start the music again or he can push a button and make it go himself.  Well, that did it and that night he slept peacefully without exhausting himself and without me standing in the hallway crying along with him. He just played with the aquarium and ever so gently went to sleep.

Nighttime With Baby

The first time my baby slept through the night was both wonderful and terrifying. Wonderful because I’d lost all concept of what sleep was. Terrifying because I woke up with a start at 4am and panicked because the baby hadn’t cried. When I went over to the bassinet and saw him sleeping peacefully, there was a chorus line playing in my head.

Four months later the baby has moved out of our room and into his own crib. That was another big step and a story for another time but suffice it to say the nighttime routine in our house has changed often and dramatically over the past year.

Sometime between 4-7 months, children begin to develop a sense of object permanence – the idea that when something is out of sight, it still exists.  This is basically when your child learns there is only one of you – that when you leave the room you don’t disappear entirely. (What happens before that?  Perhaps the child believes you stop existing?  I wonder how that works on a practical level.)

Today, bed time involves realizing the baby is tired and putting them to bed at the right time.  If we do this too early we have to console a crying baby.  If we do it too late, the baby works himself into such a frenzy of tears he has no idea what’s going on.  As long as he goes to bed on time, the crying only lasts for a few minutes until he realizes he is tired and passes out. Usually.

Parents of Newborns: Take Care Of Yourself First

It’s 6:00am. You just woke up because the baby is crying. You’re starving. You have to pee. You have to get the bottle ready. The baby is still crying.

This is a time of new demands and responsibilities. That cry is incessant – you don’t want your baby to cry because you know it can lead to feelings of abandonment and increase the risk of SIDS.  But if you have to go to the bathroom, go.

If your bladder is empty, you are going to be more attentive to your child’s needs than if you have the bathroom on your mind.  It can take less than a minute, but have huge effects on your relationship with your baby.

Take the time to eat a meal, even if it involves running back and forth to settle baby.  If you are hungry you are not operating at the top of your game.  If mommy/daddy are over exhausted and hungry they quite simply cannot be 100% there for the baby.

Don’t let your baby cry.  But don’t be afraid to take 15 seconds to take care of your own needs.  We naturally put our children’s needs ahead of our own, and we should, but we have to remember that we’re still people and we can better take care of our children if we ourselves are taken care of.